Morning Walk

This morning has been a wonderful start to what seems will be a great Saturday. I went on a walk this morning with a friend and enjoyed the wonderful conversation. I have come to realize that all of the things I have been thinking about lately to fill this void I am feeling (a dog, moving, a boyfriend, etc.) are all things that will fill a void, but only temporarily. These are the quick fixes you always hear about. My friend pointed out, that even if you had those things, wouldn't you still feel that void and still feel unfulfilled. And my answer is, YES!

The time in my life that I have felt most fulfilled was after my mom passed away. It seems strange but my life was fulfilled because my Faith was so strong. I felt such a strong connection to myself, to God, and to the rest of the world. I felt passion for life, a sense of purpose and a love for God's plan for me. Even though that was the hardest time in my life, I felt that I was truly living life. I was unhappy but I felt somewhat complete. It has been 2 1/2 years since my mom passed away and I have gotten to the point in my life where I have forgotten all of the ways that God worked in my life. He helped me through the hardest time in my life, He put people in my life to help me, He guided me to my purpose and passion. He was so amazing and in everything I saw Him. But now I go through my daily life forgetting all of those things and forgetting about God's unconditional love for me.

I am to the point in my life where I have lived the life of someone just going through the motions of life, not realizing the important things in life and not having a true connection with God. I have also lived the life where I was truly connected to God. I relied on Him for understanding and purpose and I praised Him for the things He was doing in my life. I am at the point today where I am in between those two. I have a relationship with God, but not a strong one. My Faith is not strong and God is not the center of everything I do. I need to get back to that point where I relied on God for all things. I truly saw Him working in my life. This is truly what I want in my life right now, this is what I need. The void in my life is not having a stronger relationship with God and my wavering Faith.