Change must come.

It is time to make a change in my life. I have been going and going and going and have worn myself out physically, mentally and emotionally. I have been very unhappy lately and have struggled the last couple of weeks to figure out why. I finally came to the revelation that God is what is missing in my life. My relationship with Him has struggled this semester. I know that I need to do some restructuring in my daily life to keep Him at the center of everything I do. I now know this..but implementing this is going to take a lot of me to stand up for what I have to do for myself. I have been putting so much into my work, my time, my heart and all of my passion and energy. I love it but it has been at the cost of myself and those that I love. I have to make a change and focus on what is most important to me, which is God, family & friends, my passion & purpose, my health & wellness, and my future. This will be very hard for me because I like to be a part of everything and it is hard for me to say "no" to anything, but I have to do this for me. You know after a vacation everyone will say, "Now back to reality". I don't want my life to be like that anymore. I want to feel relaxed and enjoy each and every day that I am given. I don't want to have to wait until vacation to feel like I am living. I have realized that I have not spent a lot of time this semester working on myself and have not grown in the areas that I have set to work on. I have not felt anything. I seem to just push everything into the back of my mind and say "I'll get to that later". That is not fair to myself or anyone else around me. On the positive note, I am glad that I am able to realize this and make a change. Some people stay in jobs and relationships without realizing how they are affecting them. I am proud of myself that I am able to realize this and say "I need to make a change." I am happy to say that I have a relationship with God and have been blessed enough to see God work in my life and in others. I know it seems that a lot of my blogs have been very sad and depressing but that is just where I am in my life right now. I am truly blessed though with a wonderful family, true friends and amazing opportunities. I guess I just keep pushing for bigger and better things.

Also, people might wonder why I am writing all of these things. This is just a way for me to reflect. Other ways have worked but I have lost the motivation to write in my journal so this has become an alternative. I also feel that a purpose for my life is to tell my testimony and how God has worked in my life. If one person is inspired, impacted or comforted by this, I feel that it is worth doing.